This has been one hell of a year for me, and not really in a good way. I started January flat on my back with the flu and needing to travel across the country, then got sick again and landed in the ER in New Jersey [insert shudder here] of all places. Add a few more illnesses, a cracked tooth requiring a cap which most likely went on the wrong tooth, a house fire which has had us “homeless” for almost 6 months and dealing with the remodel of said house, and I’m just about ready to tap out.
But then I turned 30 a few weeks ago and it seems as if the sun is finally shining. I chose to remove some people from my life that were not a positive influence. People who have done little to interact during this past year, or ever. Slashing my facebook page, phone contacts and way of thinking has made a far larger impact that I thought it would. I feel 60 pounds lighter. I have decided that this year, and all after, are for me. For what makes me happy and what gets me through. I’m not saying this in an only child selfish way (though I am indeed an only child), but in a way that disallows me to further feel guilty for not holding up my end of a friendship, when clearly the other parties have no interest. I have washed my hands and hot damn it’s a great feeling.
I bought my first mandolin yesterday. This is another step on the road of ‘me.’ I played the double bass for almost 10 years, have dabbled in guitar, and with the husband picking away at his banjo, I wanted in on the bluegrass too. I’m so excited! It’s an instrument I can bring to work with me, and putz around whenever the mood strikes (much more portable than a bass – though some day I would love one as well).
I have also begun wearing a fantastic bracelet from the shop which says “this too shall pass.” I’m not one to be into the ‘inspirational quote’ stuff as I think it’s a little hoaky at times, but this was too perfect to pass up. And honestly, I foresee a tattoo. Let’s mark this passage. Remember how bad it was, but also that amazing feeling when your head breaks water again and you see how fantastic life can be.
I’m ready now. Let’s do this thing.